Raising Opposites

J1 and J2 are my two eldest sons. They are about five months apart and while we raise them as though they were twins, they are nothing alike. Everything in our house could be color coded, red for J1 and blue for J2. J1 loves car, trucks and Legos. J2 loves dinosaurs and animals. All of these things are easy to deal with, but what happens when you have two children, one who is introverted and requires “me time” for his wellbeing, while the other is social and doesn’t understand the need for “me time” or the desire for it.

            J1, our adopted son, is a replica of my husband. He is content to curl up in his daddy’s lap in front of the computer and watch my husband play games for hours. J1 enjoys building and rebuild Lego toys for the simple joy of figuring out the options he has with a limited set of blocks. He also would prefer watching people and trying to figure out what makes them tick rather than attempt to interact with them. J1 is unable to read facial expressions which can lead to awkward and confusing moments for him. He is a loner, however, with the right person he is an affectionate cuddler. One of the highlights to my day is when he curls up in bed with me early in the morning with his blanket. He scooches back into me and pulls my arm around his waist. He lays there in the early morning light looking out the window and basks in the silence. Soon to be broken by the shrieks of the baby wanting his morning bottle and the whines of J2 wanting his milk and morning banana.

            J2 is social to say the least. I fear the days he becomes a teen boy and learns to flash that sweet, mischievous grin that never fails to get him what he wants, except from his momma. I fear that he will be the spitting image of me, able to manipulate people into doing what you want, a skill that as a child you don’t know how to use responsibly. J2 is a happy, active child, with energy to spare. Constantly on the move and demanding attention from those around him.

            To compound the issues, we are in a situation where, for the health of J3, our youngest and last, the children are being quarantined. So, what do you do? As one child demands more and more time alone and the other is needing socialization. The answer should be that I play baseball, or bowling, or soccer with him. And, one would think that this would be possible with eleven hours in my stay-at-home-mom day. Sadly, with just me and three boys, I spend my time feeding the infant, preparing breakfast, lunch, snacks and drinks (milk, V8, and sweet juice). Then there is naptime for the older boys, the baby sleeps every few hours, which leaves me with a few hours to read, practice numbers, colors and ABCs with J1 and J2 before I need my time. Yes, “my time” not just for J1, but me and my husband as well. I really do feel for J2. How horrific it must be for an extroverted person to live in a house of introverts. So, for the hour or so that I manage amongst the rest of the chaos, I play fetch with my son. No, not catch, because three year old children usually cannot actually catch a ball. I toss a squishy ball down the hall for him to run after in the hopes to burn some of his never ending energy.

            This only works so long before he wants to play with his brother. “Come fish with me.” “Come kick/hit/throw the ball with me.”

            The resounding, “No,” is heartbreaking to J2, when J1 is emphatic about having “me time”.

            J2 takes this personally. “Mommy, what did I do wrong?”

            “Nothing baby.” I reach out and caress the cheek of my child whose eyes are filling with tears of incomprehension. How do you explain to a three year old that there are people in this world who prefer to spend their time alone?

            Sometimes, I can bargain with J2. “Daddy will play when he gets home.”

            Sometimes, daddy is too tired to play when he gets home and what little time he musters up, between dinner and bath time, to give to J2 is unsatisfying for my three year old.

            “Why can he not just sit in my lap like J1 does?” My husband asks frustrated and tired.

            “Because J2 is not like the rest of us.” I answer sympathetically, understand both my husband and J2s side of this issue.

            Of course, there is the all important lesson for J1. While I understand his need for “me time”, J1 also needs to understand that he will not always be able to have that time for himself. There are times when I explain to J1 that you can’t ignore those around you, your friends or your family. J1 always breaks down into a fit because suddenly he is not getting his way, but tough, life is built on having to do activities that you don’t really want to do because you are needed as a part of the community.

            On any number of trying days, I patiently wait and hope that J3 will balance out this need of socialization. Already, J2 has learned to play and spend time with J3. J2 is currently teaching J3, who is seven months old, his ABCs and the sounds animals make. J3 adores the attention he gets from his brother. And while balancing three children is difficult, perhaps these issues will work themselves out … most likely not.

E. Schierschmidt

Quick Reads

I read a lot. I have always read. As long as I can remember, I have read. I spent a couple of years not being able to sit down and enjoy a novel due to beginning a life as a mother. Now, I manage a novel or two month. In fact, when J3 was hospitalized, I read through seven novels. And as much as I enjoy reading novels, I have learned that reading blog posts and articles are just as important. Okay, maybe not important, in my case, more convenient. With three children it is easier to glance over a blurb of something than it is to try and focus on something more than three pages long.

            I have found Facebook to be a world of wealth for finding quick, helpful reads. I enjoy the advice, inspiration, and techniques other people are publishing. Expanding my vocabulary with The Writer’s Circle word of the day. Staying to read the articles about freelancing, motivational speakers, and tips to enhance my personal writing. Writer’s Write has a list of writing courses, in South Africa, writing advice and trivia. Not only do these websites have amazing articles, I also learn about events and conferences. While most things have a cost to them nowadays, free is always good. Both of these websites point out free podcasts and webinars.
            Self-publication is becoming more widespread with the help of websites such as Amazon. For me, Phyl Campbell stands as an example, as I watch her struggle to navigate the waters, of self-publication. I cheer when she is triumphant and I know that if I choose to take the route of self-publication she would happily help advise me through the process. Some of her works include Mother Confessor and Carley Patrol. You can also find short pieces of her work at phylcampbell.blogspot and PhylCampbellAuthorPage.

            Samantha Watson has to be one of my favorite people. I believe she has one of the most amazing modern day love stories. Now living in Australia after achieving a lifelong dream of finding her Aussie hunk, I am resigned to Facebook conversations to keep in touch. While I believe her writing is some of the best I have ever heard. Yes, heard. While she has yet to be published, I have high hopes for her and enjoy keeping track of her Facebook page A Brewer’s Ink where she links articles from places that I would never have considered for inspiration.

            While my world heavily revolves around Facebook and quick reads sometimes I do have to search for fellow writers. Angela Cox, who is currently a doctoral candidate at the University of Arkansas. She is driven to become a professor, her focus revolves around new media and genre, and a published author. While this is not my personal choice of reading, because she is a close friend, I take the time to read her articles from playthepast.org. Play the Past is a collaborative blog that focuses on the intersection of history and gaming. Why do I go out of my way to read articles that are not within my realm of regular reading? Because it is outside of my regular reading. Because Angela is a friend, not only do I want to support her work but it gives me the opportunity to check out what other people are writing about and what is being read.

            I will end with Kimberly Mitchell. I met her not long after moving to Northwest Arkansas, while looking for a church to attend. The first thing you learn about Kimberly is her love for sports. She is a dedicated Hogs fan, which presumably is from her years at the University of Arkansas. I fell in love with her life experiences as she weaves tales of her time in the Middle East. So, I wasn’t too surprised to find out that she was an aspiring children’s author. Kimberly, is the only blogger at this point that I set time aside to read. Not just to read but to take notes. There has never been a time where, after reading her posts, I felt as though I had wasted my time. Check her out at kimberlymitchell. This year she is focusing on Writing Your Story as you follow the stories of her and her family’s life.

            As I sit here writing this I am quickly becoming aware that all the writers that I know are women. That is not entirely true, however, many of the male writers that I know have not taken to the internet to blog. Unfortunately, that cannot be helped at this time. Feel free to read over these suggestions or make suggestions of your own of other people, forums, or webpages worth following.

E. Schierschmidt

Apologies

I apologize for the lack of a post this week, even more so that there will not be a post next week. I do hope to post something on the 16th.

A series of events has occurred which, unfortunately, has derailed my work and writing. J2 has been ill. My aunt, who, to me, is like a second mother, is in need of critical surgery which has been rescheduled twice.

It doesn't take much to throw me and during times like this I need to take time off and reset myself. Spend time with my family. Remember why my writing is important to me. To my children. And for my husbands encouragement to recharge my batteries.

Again, my apologies,
E. Schierschmidt