It is
important to note that I am NOT a doctor, or a nutritionist, or any kind of
authority that could be considered an advice giver for health. I am, however, fully
capable of discussing my experiences and the knowledge that I believe I
comprehend as I understand it. Now, since that warning has been given, I want
to discuss my struggles with weight and dieting.
First of all,
I have been overweight my entire adult life. I can give a multitude of excuses
for this but the fact remains that some eighteen years later I am still
overweight. Not just overweight but morbidly obese and that is my fault. Of
course, saying that being fat is my fault creates a blaming and shaming
scenario and this has got to stop. (This, however, is not the point of this
blog.) Let me start with a few admissions.
Admission
number one: I am a compulsive overeater.
Admission
number two: I am an insulin resistant type 2 diabetic.
Admission
number three: I am a happily married woman with three very young children whom
I would like to spend several more decades of my life with.
I want to
start with admission three. My husband loves me. Just As I Am. Of course, he is
concerned about the health issues as a result of my weight and diet, but he
would never tell me that I am fat. He won’t even suggest it. Hates when I refer
to myself as morbidly obese. Unfortunately, children are honest, brutally so at
times. They remind me often that I am large, fat, big, whatever comes to mind
at the time. They are 5, 4, and 2, respectively.
They are so
young. I want to see my children graduate high school. College. I want to see
them marry. I want to be able to enjoy grandchildren. Regretfully, this will
probably not happen. At least, not if I don’t make some changes. Now. Like, Right
NOW.
Having said
that, I can now turn to admission number one. I am a compulsive overeater. I
know, some people eat because they just like food. Some people are happy with
their size. Some people are healthy despite their size. Well, that is not me.
And I am talking about me. I can wake up in the morning and say, I will not eat
junk food today. I will pass over the yummy, yummy treats all day long and then
suddenly have a toaster pastry in my hand. By the time I realize I am eating
it, well, I have already eaten this much, might as well finish it. I don’t even
like toaster pastries. Seriously, of the many snacks in my house, toaster
pastries are one of my least favorites. So, why did I eat it? That is a great
question. One that I simply do not have an answer for.
I do like to
eat. I like to eat away my problems, and by this I mean sitting down in front
of the television with a feast of food and snacks and eating myself into a
coma. I like to eat for celebrations and in this past month alone, there have
been many. Valentine’s Day, my birthday, my children’s baptism. All of which I
could have skipped the cake, candy, cookies, pies, and everything else offered,
but I didn’t. Also, we had company for a week, she has dietary issues. Yes, I
can cook around them, but I didn’t. We just ate out all week. Needless to say,
despite being close to dropping below 300 pounds, I gained instead.
Still, this
year I am working on the motto of: No Harm. No Foul. There will not be any
guilt this year. There are just going to be small changes from time to time
that should eventually make a whole that I can be proud of.
Sadly, a
lifetime of poor diet and inactivity has resulted in type 2 diabetes. An
insulin resistant type 2 diabetic. What does that mean? Well, it means that I
cannot tolerate any amount of carbohydrates. The amount of inulin required to
counteract a single carb is 2 to 1. So, for every 15 grams of carbohydrates, I
have to take 30 units of insulin. And carbs are not just in candy and breads.
They are in vegetables, processed meats like sausage and bacon, milk, fruit.
Anything that your body breaks down into sugar is a carbohydrate. So stop eating those items.
It should be
that easy. Shouldn’t it. But as we have already covered, I am a compulsive
overeater. Not just that, I am a sugar addict. Sounds funny. Hahaha. You’re addicted to sugar. I
would never compare myself to someone trying to break a cocaine or heroin addiction.
Unfortunately, I have woken up in the middle of the night many times, sweating
despite the air conditioner being set to sixty-six, shaking uncontrollably, my
heart pounding on my chest, my husband racing to get my monitor because at this
point we know what is wrong. The level of sugar in my blood has crashed and I
am going through withdrawal. A day or so later, the headaches will kick in,
think caffeine headache level of migraine and then draw it out for a week
because the only way to get past this is to push through cold turkey.
Dieting is
not easy. This is the point. If it were easy, there would not be a multibillion
dollar industry promising quick fixes.
So, what does
that mean for me? Well, it still means exercise, diet, and trying to cut out
diet sodas. It is both that simple and that hard.
A few weeks
ago I starting exercising, then I rolled my ankle. I needed to stay off of it.
Wear a brace. Ice it down. A pitfall to be sure. I continued stretching during
this time so that I would not lose my flexibility.
I am
currently watching my carbs as well. Sixty grams a day. I am attempting to
replace soda with tea. Not the same substitution at all which is why I am
struggling.
Every
overweight person struggles. Every person is different. Every situation is
different, but this is mine. I will continue to change my diet slowly. Change
the way I exercise. I know that if I continue making these small changes,
sooner or later, I can be proud of what I have achieved. In a month or so, I
will let you know how I am doing. I will tell you the changes that I have made.
I will add some recipes I have found that work for me and my family.
Through failure and
success I will continue on.
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