I was supposed to be
barren. So we were surprised and excited when we found out we were pregnant.
Although I really wanted a girl, I asked my husband what he wanted and what were
his hopes were for the kid. He wanted a healthy boy to play computer games and
Legos with.
Fast forward a few months. J2 was born
two weeks earlier via an emergency C-section. My husband likes to call it J2
and my first fight. J2 was supposed to be born in December. I didn’t want to
have a November baby because it would interfere with Nanowrimo. I lost the
fight. After being hospitalized for high blood pressure, several nurses walked
into the room and informed me that if he did not come into this world
immediately, he would not enter the world alive. Dramatic, I know, but six
nurses rushed in the room to rush me to the operation room, I was more focused
on the idea that after nearly nine months my son may not make it. J2 was
brought into this world at 1:59 pm on the last day of November.
Fast forward again two and a half years.
My husband works long hours and when he comes home he just wants to vegetate in
front of his computer. While that works for J1, our adopted child, this doesn’t
really work for J2. I began to notice that J2 was trying to get his attention.
My husband would offer to let J2 into his lap but after a few minutes J2 grew
bored and crawled out of his lap, only to want his daddy’s attention again.
After an hour of this J2 walked away from his daddy defeated. Upset and angry,
unable to express what was bothering him, J2 began to act out. Not
understanding what was occurring, my husband would lose his temper with our
misbehaving son.
My husband has to understand. He is a
mild manner, quiet guy, who is content to chill in front of his computer with
his children in his lap. And while this works for J1, who is the personality
twin of my husband, this does not work for J2, who is outgoing and hyperactive.
That night when our children went to bed, I forced my husband accept that he
and J2 were nothing alike but that it was his responsibility to figure out how
to spent time with J2. Getting my husband to understand was easier than putting
it into practice, as most things usually are. My husband decided it was time to
pull out his “big boy” Legos. J1 enjoys this as well, but it still isn’t an
activity that will keep J2s attention for very long. Play time quickly became
about my husband and J1. I was disheartened.
Silence became the key. Thankfully, one
day, I walked into the boy’s room because they were being quiet. I found J1
putting a train track together for J2 to play his trains on. I left them to
their activities until J1 came out of the room to play on his laptop. J2 continued
being uncharacteristically quiet and once again I went to see what he was up
to. I found him on the floor playing with his train. Loading and unloading
cargo as the train went round and round. When my husband came home, I insisted
that he spent some time playing trains with the boys. This quickly became an
evening activity that all three of them could do. Trains led to building block
tracks and bridges. Police chases, accidents and ambulances followed. All three
of them seemed to be happy. Unfortunately, over several weeks, the sit and play
activities slowly became routine. J2 began asking daddy to participate in other
activities.
Finding more activities. My husband
turned to the internet. I thought about what kind of sports could be played in
the house safely. (It is getting cold outside and the boys are under quarantine
for the Flu and RSV season because of J3s health conditions.) Fortunately, our
home has a long hallway. Any number of activities can be played there. J2s
birthday coming up and Christmas not far behind, my husband and I sat down and
made a list.
Gifts. For J2s birthday, we requested
my parents purchase a t-ball set, which they did and more, getting an extra
ball and bat to help eliminate the sharing issue. My husband suggested to his
mother that the boys would enjoy remote control cars, which he had found a twin
set at a reasonable price. I wanted to get a fishing game and bowling. For
Christmas, we splurged on a large joint gift for the boys. A train track with
over one hundred and thirty pieces, enough for them to have their own tracks.
Time will tell. Now that the birthday has passed and Christmas has
gone, we realize how much has been gained from these gifts. The boys still
fight about taking turns and while my husband is not a sports fan and will
never be the one who teaches J2 how to hit a baseball, throw a football, or
even dribble a soccer ball. J2, now, feels comfortable asking his dad to play trains
with him. J2 will bring him the car remote in the hope to be chase around the
house. J2 smiles more now that he can ask his father to spend time with him in
a way that he will enjoy.- E. Schierschmidt -
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